Friday, August 31, 2012

Bad Past, Good Future

I was looking at my files. randomly. looking for something. and found something else.

dated 4/11/2011.

A year ago. how come I've forgotten about this?

It was a memory of sorts. conversations and a whole lot more with this person. I was suddenly thankful to have "saved" it and re-read it just now. Everyhing finally came back in an instant. It is of sort my gentle reminder that there was something wrong in the past from the START.

That memory was a past full of pain, a roller coaster of emotion, I was high and came down so low! Everything happened without me noticing that I had changed because I tried to change for someone who I thought was worth the change just because I want things to work out.. But it turns out, I've become a person I no longer knew. I started to doubt myself, became unsure who I was and seen myself so in the bad light, even the moon and stars wouldn't appear. The hardest part to accept was I finally can admit to myself that I was abused. Not the physical one.. But the one that could hurt and change a man- the Emotional one.

It was a quiet, slow process. the one that gets you off guard.. I wasn't even aware then. It was the one that slowly takes your soul out of you and just drained you out. So much hurt, so much pain.

A pain that I tried to hide from and finally, now, willing to let go and start anew.

Emotional baggage is what is left for me and admitting it is the first part. Today, will be the start of my personal healing. To make me a better person, to love myself more, to see I am worth the person who I should be, to feel appreciated for who I am and change for no one but for myself.

My 5 rules to live by from all of this: Learn. Love. Trust. Hope. and find Peace.



I am positive that I'll be back sooner than you think.. Better, bolder and wiser! Good vibes from here on out! :)

XO,
J



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